2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
