I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
