Im at strip club and am horny
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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