they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
