whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
