she was so not down for the gang bang
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
