You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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