my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
