The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
