Ambien. No doubt about it.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
