This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
