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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!

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• (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?

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• (805): View more from California

  the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.

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• (925): View more from California

  Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?

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• (619): View more from California

  I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?

  (561): View more from Florida

  Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.

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