Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
