Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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