Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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