Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
