some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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