and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
