Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
