Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
