never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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