dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
