somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Found your dick twin last night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
