Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
