just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
