real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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