I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
