thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My balls are so social today.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
