drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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