go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
