She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
