I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
