i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
