isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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