I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
