im drinking this country out of the recession.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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