It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
