ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
