yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
