me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's never too late to be topless.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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