dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
