one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
