So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
