I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
