Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
