I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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