absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
