So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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