I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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