My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
