so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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